Houston Will Never Host The Olympics

Posted on August 23, 2008
Filed Under Current Events, Houston |

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I was in a coffee shop the other day when I overheard two people talking about the Olympics. One said to the other, “One day Houston will host the Olympics“.

What a stupid and naive statement I thought to myself.

Okay, it might happen but only under the right circumstances. Mainly that the decision makers along with the IOCC are paid off. That’s the only reason I can see that a pollution filled crap hole city such as Beijing would be allowed to host the Olympics.

Here are just a few reasons Houston will never host the Olympics.

Houston is not a convention city nor a tourist trap. We’re pretty much a city driven by oil and chemicals with just a smattering of tech and financial companies thrown in to make us “look” diverse. Companies don’t come here for conventions, unless other desirable convention cities like Las Vegas, Dallas, Austin or San Antonio are booked up first. I’d go as far as to say that on a per capita basis, San Antonio has more conventions and tourist destinations than Houston.

Can you imagine Bill White and Rick Perry asking the oil and chemical companies to shut down for a few weeks while the Olympics were in town? Just so the air would clear up? Ha! 

Just think about what the media would say the first time those TransStar signs were flashing “Ozone Watch Today, Please Stay Indoors” and they cancelled all outside sporting events.

Sure, we have plenty of taxpayer funded private stadiums and other venues where many of the sporting events could be held, just like Beijing. But where would we have the whitewater kayak events? The San Jacinto river? Yeah, the course would include dodging unidentifiable floating objects in the water…most of which would probably be bodies.

Of course, Brays Bayou would be a great choice if we had any rainfall at all.

At first thought Galveston would be a great place for the Beach Volleyball event. But on closer examination, I don’t think the sparkling brown waves washing upon littered beaches is what the Olympics would want portrayed. No. Beach Volleyball would have to be held somewhere like Padre Island and that’s too far to commute each day. Another “X” for Houston.

The cycling events would have to be held in Montgomery County. There are just too many potholes for cyclist in Houston and Harris County. Plus, citizens who live in the rural areas of Montgomery County are used to swerving to miss road hogging cyclist.

If you think traffic is bad in Houston now, just wait until the Olympics show up. You only have to ask a previous host city what kind of 4 year nightmare the Olympics cause. I mean, we can’t get the streets fixed now, why should we think they’d get fixed for the Olympics?

Speaking of previous host cities, the Olympics are never profitable for the host city. Normally the host city will go in the hole putting on the Olympics. Of course, seeing how many Houstonians do not mind paying higher taxes to pay for private Sports Stadiums, this may be a wash. Taxes in Houston and Harris county would certainly go up if the Olympics ever came to Houston.

Houston’s fire, ambulance and rescue responders would be overwhelmed by the sharp increase of accidents due to Metro Bus drivers and the light rail system. The Tourist that the Metro Busses missed would become fair game for the Toy Train downtown.

And what would tourist do after they went to Galveston Beach, Moody Gardens and the Kemah Boardwalk? It’s not like the area around Houston is full of beautiful scenery…unless you consider the Ship Channel and Refinery Row as scenic.

What has it been, nearly a decade since MInute Maid park was built? Remember how they said it would “revitalize” downtown? I don’t think that a few new restuarants, bars and new cardboxes and shopping carts for the homeless counts as “revitalization”. Sorry, but we still have a big portion of the downtown area that is ugly!

No. No matter how much Houston’s social elite (whom most live outside of Houston’s city limits anyway) want to think that Houston is the cultural center of the World, it’s not true. We’re a working town and that’s what we do best. Don’t try putting lipstick and a dress on this Pig and calling us Cinderella.

This is just a few reasons why Houston will never host the Olympics. Now you can exhale and go back to work.

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